It isn’t talked about very often, but motherhood can be pretty distressing. You’ll have frustrating and unhappy days, and your child may have days when all they do is cry and disobey you. None of these things make you a bad parent – they’re just a fact of life!
That’s why it’s so important to talk about the scary and distressing parts of being a mother. Raising a child is a lovely thing, and most parents wouldn’t change anything for the world! However, we should feel OK to say we’re scared and stressed and that we don’t quite know what to do.
At the same time, we should be providing insight and advice to new parents who need to know they’re not alone. That’s why we’ve made the list below; when parenthood has got you tense, these are the kinds of things you should do to stay calm.
It’s OK to Buy Second Hand
Children are expensive, no matter how old they are! You shouldn’t get stressed out over not being able to afford the latest pushchair or travel system, or having a new outfit for your baby every time you take them outside. A more responsible use of this money would be to save it for your child as they get older, but if you don’t have much in the way of disposable income, don’t feel you need to do this either.
And remember, you definitely shouldn’t feel ashamed about buying secondhand for your little one either! This can save money, and reduce waste, and your baby will be just as happy as if they got something new. Buy what you can afford; you’re still doing the best for your baby and they’re going to love you just as much in the end.
Don’t Let Yourself Think the Worst
Catastrophising is an easy trap to fall into. As a new parent, it’s one of the easiest thinking cycles to adopt, even though it can be dangerous for you. Indeed, thinking like this will have you believing your baby is seriously hurt or in pain at the smallest things, and that you’re doing an incredibly bad job as a mum.
Thinking like this can be the scariest thing of all. Your imagination can lead you to all kinds of scenarios, no matter how unlikely. A common example is spotting the difference between newborn acne or rash; many new mothers can panic about seeing these spots so much that they become convinced their child has mumps, measles, or something else just as serious.
Spotting yourself in this spiral is key to breaking it. When your thoughts have you repeatedly checking your infant’s skin, or have you on the phone to the doctor every five minutes, catch yourself and do your best to think rationally.
Have a ‘Tidy’ Day
You don’t have to keep the house tidy 24/7. You’ve got a baby, you won’t have the time! And expecting yourself to achieve this ideal will only pile the pressure back on. Even though you look around and feel like you live in a pigsty, don’t beat yourself up.
If the baby is asleep and you’ve got time to yourself, use that time for yourself – don’t waste it on a bit of housework that can wait. That’s the biggest golden nugget of advice you’ll ever hear! If you need some sleep, or if you need a bath, or you want to eat something actually healthy for the first time in weeks, use this time wisely for these activities.
You can then plan a ‘tidy day’ sometime later in the week, which can then be turned into a routine. Let the house get messy during the week, then on a Sunday or Monday whip around and clean up. Not only does this take the pressure out of keeping your home clean, but it provides an extra morsel of structure to your current routine as well.
Turn Off Social Media
A lot of misinformation goes around in online parenting circles. Whilst it can be helpful to reach out to parents with newborns such as yourself, it can also be incredibly harmful.
That’s why you should think about only spending a few minutes per day interacting with this kind of content. Put the phone down and feel much better!
Take Each Day as it Comes
Feeling like you need to be the perfect parent puts a mountain of pressure on your shoulders. No one can stand up to that, and it’s only natural to feel like you’re going to crumble under it.
That’s why you should take each day as it comes, and celebrate all the little successes along the way. Your baby went to sleep without waking three times? Celebrate it! Your baby is currently teething but didn’t cry as loud as usual thanks to some well-timed gum massages. Celebrate it! Little milestones are just as important and they can be achieved on a daily basis.
When you take each day as it comes, and pat yourself on the back for getting through it, you’re going to feel much better about your role as a new mother. If you like, you can even think of it as a way to steel yourself mentally.
Indeed, applying this method will allow you to stay calm during the most tense moments, and when the baby cries for the tenth time during the night, you’re going to be able to take a deep breath and get through it.
Does Motherhood Feel Distressing to You? You’re Not Alone
Motherhood can be pretty distressing at times. However, you shouldn’t be ashamed of admitting it. You’re allowed to say you’re panicking about something your baby does, or that you’re not sure how to help them when they’re crying.
All parents feel fear sometimes, and all parents should be able to talk about it! It’s truly the best thing for helping you to stay calm during those moments when parenthood worries are getting the better of you.
